Once upon a time I was a child but only between the hours of 9am to 3pm, which were spent in the school yard. Upon leaving school of an afternoon I became a completely different person — an adult, even though I was 12 years old at the time. At that age I was fending for myself, even though I was living in a youth refuge, as I had obtained a heroin habit earlier that year whilst in the custody of the Department of Community Services (DOCS). While children my age were having slumber parties and playing with dolls, I was conspiring to feed a family while nursing a drug addiction.

At age 13 I was charged with robbery, resulting in a six month sentence in juvie. As sad as it sounds I had a ball! The refuge I’d been staying at was in Surry Hills and I’d been hanging around Kings Cross as I always felt safe there. My mother had been a sex worker in the area for many years until she was murdered when I was just four years old. She suffered a single bullet wound to the heart while walking down the street with me in her arms. My father had a lot to do with the underground scene there but unfortunately he died just four months before I was born.

So when I got to the juvenile centre I was already well acquainted with the other children there who had also grown up on Sydney’s streets. I truly believe that the laid back nature of juvie and the fact that life in some ways was better there than on the streets contributed to me becoming a habitual offender.

I was released back into the custody of DOCS, who up until then (and for some time after) had truly let me down. They did, however, fund me to attend one of Sydney’s top selective boarding schools, so between there and the Cross I received an excellent education in every sense.

When I turned 18 I received a six month prison term which I served in Mulawa. Sadly, once again, I had a ball! And again I believe that if Mulawa was then how it is now, with its crap food and long hours in your cell, I’d never have returned. When I first came to prison we were let out of our cells at 7am and locked back in again at 7.30pm. We cooked our own food and could associate with the whole jail. A stint in Mulawa these days is enough to turn any woman off coming back to prison.

In the years that followed I saw life’s true highs and lows. I learnt a lot during this period and now feel old enough to make my own decisions. And I am truly over this lifestyle.

I am currently in prison and due to be released soon. When I am released it will be with just $400 cash. With this I am expected to buy shoes, clothes, food to last two weeks and pay for accommodation as I have no permanent address. Then I have to wait a further two weeks until I get another payment from Centrelink.

While in custody I have done everything possible to help myself, both employment wise and just bettering myself in general. I am asking for help but am having doors slammed in my face at every turn. Remember, I got my first heroin habit while in the care of the state. Now the state is denying me the help I need to get back on my feet after the torment I endured in their care.

For example, I approached the NSW Department of Housing who told me that upon release I could get one night’s accommodation pending further appointments (unless released on a Friday when they provide accommodation until the coming Monday). Also, if you’re on a priority housing list your movement on it is suspended while you’re in custody.

I also approached the Salvation Army, who said that to enter their supported housing program you must first be completely drug free. As I am currently on 110mls of methadone I do not fit the criteria. They suggested a two week detox program to become methadone free. I sought medical advice about this and was told that as
well as being potentially dangerous, it was not a wise choice as I would be so sick that relapse would be the most likely reaction.

The NSW government needs to get its priorities right. It costs tax payers $24,000 to keep an inmate in full time custody for six months. The government could spend a fraction of that money rehabilitating, retraining and housing us back into the community. There needs to be more places for inmates to stay once released. If the government provided inmates released from prison with temporary accommodation for a three month period the crime rate would drop substantially. With our immediate accommodation needs taken care of we would be able to gain permanent housing and employment, gaining both financial and physical stability.

The prison system needs to start looking at what assistance it offers habitual offenders. It seems if it’s your first time in custody the opportunities are endless, but if you have a bit of form you get nowhere (and if you have an opinion you’re really screwed). I am not blaming the NSW government for all my crimes, but I am saying they should stand up and take responsibility for their wrong doings as I have. I was in their care when I obtained a heroin habit and because of their neglect I was forced to steal just to survive. What would you have done in my place at 13 years of age?

I have done everything I can to help myself. Now I need a little help to take back what I have lost. Slowly but surely I will make it because I won’t stop until I do. Because what’s driving me are these five simple words: “Success is the best revenge”.

Illustration by Ursula Dyson

Download print version [Adobe Acrobat PDF - 612.63 KB]
 

Comments (0)