User's story: My name is Flo-Rider
My Name is Flo-Rider... that’s the nick-name the inmates at Mulawa gave me.
I’m writing as I would like people to know more about the situation I’m in. I was released from prison in December 2007. I’d finished doing just under four years. When I was released I had good intentions of staying away from drugs and crime. All I wanted was to be a good mum — I’ve got a handsome little boy. For the first month things were really good. I was picking up my methadone dose on a regular basis and enjoying being a mother.
But after a little while I started getting really depressed and eventually I became suicidal. I was thinking about ways to end my life. I was thinking that because I thought everyone was against me and that they wanted to see me fail and end up back in jail. It was really hard — my family didn’t trust me with my own son. They all thought that if he was in my care I’d go on the blink and hurt him. But that wasn’t the case — all I wanted to do was get out of jail and be a good mother. I missed four years of watching my handsome little man grow up. All I wanted to do was be there for him, walk him to school, take him to the park, bathe him, cook for him, put him to bed — all the things a mother would do for her children. But I couldn’t — my family would get in my way. They didn’t trust me and I had to prove to them that I was capable of looking after my son.
It was hurting me bad. I was more and more suicidal as each day went by. Eventually I ended up getting back on drugs and I had to support my habit. Things were getting bad and I was getting really sloppy at doing crime. Every time I was out searching I didn’t give a damn about leaving my DNA or fingerprints because all I wanted to do was come back to jail.
Eventually that happened. I’m sitting at Mulawa on aggravated break and enters and other serious charges. I’m sentenced on my parole and haven’t been sentenced for all of my other charges. They’ve got me on anti-depressants and I’m actually a little happier than when I was out of prison. I’ve got a great cell mate — we take care of each other and when I start to feel depressed I speak to her and feel so much better. Yeah, I miss my son so much it hurts, but I know that he’s safe, well looked after and he knows that I love him dearly.
So what I’m trying to say is that if any of you feel depressed or suicidal there are a lot of things out there and people can support you. I find it really helpful to talk about all of my problems and get everything off my chest. My time here at Mulawa has helped me deal with a lot of my problems but jail isn’t the way to go.
Illustration by Glenn Smith
Download print version [Adobe Acrobat PDF - 483.12 KB]